I have been dreading this time for the last couple of weeks and now with only 1 week left with my little Fincess I find myself already having anxiety about the whole process.
We have been blessed to not have to pay the outrageous costs of daycare since Merrill's mother decided to retire as a Music Teacher just to babysit Fin. Although there are so many bonuses to this arrangement I find myself stressing out about the little stuff. I get along with his mother good, but I have developed a protective momma bear instinct that almost makes it hard to give Fin up to her grandma to watch. Merrill is very good at being the buffer between his mom and I when needed. I do not do well with telling her how I want things done and he is very blunt and straight forward with her which is helpful in so many ways. The other day she made a comment when holding Finleigh once she began to cry that "Grandma doesn't like crying babies"....ummm lady you better get used to it because I'm sure there will be some crying going on. Just little things like this put me on edge and almost makes me wish I could send her to an in home daycare where I do not have any relationship with the babysitter. I think the first thing that triggered this whole momma bear instinct was right after I delivered Fin. I remember sitting in my hospital bed just cuddling with her for only like the 2nd time and in walks in his mother and immediately takes Finleigh out of my arms to hold her. I was in shock and didn't know what to say at the time and now I just let that feeling I had then still bother me. I know she really means well and is also so in love with her first grandchild, especially since she's a little girl which she's never got to have with Merrill and his brothers. The other day we went to his grandma's for lunch and there was a lot of people there who were all waiting to hold Finleigh. I became very anxious and found myself holding her under my nursing cover after she had finished eating so that nobody would ask to hold her. Am I crazy or what!! I don't seem to have anxiety when it's around my own family so I'm not sure what is causing this with his side of the family. I worry about social time with other kids since she will be by herself at Grandma's. I'm sure down the road we will have another little bundle of joy to join her, but I just fear that my child will be that odd ball that has no social skills because she didn't interact with anyone at a young age. Are all these feelings normal?
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| Grandpa Lindblad |
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| Uncle Sean Lindblad |
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| Uncle Nick Lindblad |
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| Grandma Lindblad |
There are many positive things that will come out of her babysitting Fin. Since she has been a music teacher for Diller/Odell for the past 30 years she will teach Finleigh how to play the piano and possibly any other instrument she wants to learn once she gets older. She is a very domestic woman and loves to cook and sew which will be great for Finleigh to learn. (Maybe she'll be able to cook her mommy and daddy dinner when she gets older since cooking is not my forte, haha) I know my little Fincess will be in great hands and well taken care of, I just can't shake this anxiety. Any tips from mothers that have experienced this?
Oh, Jes! I feel for you. Leaving your baby for the first time in childcare (whether a nanny, at home or day care) is HARD. It does get easier, so be nice to yourself and adjust to the situation as you need to. These are all normal feelings!
ReplyDeleteI don't know how it would be having Andi's mom watch Tory, but I know when T was first born, I was really nervous having his mom and sister hold Tory. I felt like they was doing it wrong (??) and that they weren't as capable with babies as my own sister and mother were. Now, my MIL is GREAT with Tory and T loves her so much. I think it just takes time for your mama bear instincts to settle down. I felt the same way you're feeling.
I think it's also good that you let Merrill deal with his mom. That way there's not too many hard feelings; he can get away with saying a lot more than you will be able to. That said - Finleigh is your baby; you are her mom. You call the shots, so if you don't like something, you should make sure the situation is corrected (whether that's Merrill that corrects the situation or not).
Finally, I will say I wish I would've spoken up more with Andi's mom. I think she would have helped me more back then if I would have just told her what I needed. But I didn't so I often felt really overwhelmed when Tory was a few months old. This time around with Aden, I feel much more comfortable telling Andi's mom what I need from her. I also think we're closer now than we ever were because of Tory, so maybe that'll happen to you and Nate's mom, too?
Hang in there. Every mama has to separate from their baby at some point and it is HARD. It gets easier, but it's never an awesome feeling no matter how old they get. You'll figure it all out. Be easy on yourself and realize you have many emotions running through you right now - it's ok to feel like you do. Good luck!
I am right there with you Jes!! I am still trying to make the adjustment and frequently get myself so nerved up I get sick. You are NOT alone. I think pumping is one of the hardest things for me!! I don't like giving up my lunch and half my plan time to pump - it is 100% worth it, but UGH.
ReplyDeleteIt does get easier, I thinK!, for some reason it is easier to leave Lauren - she just seems more independent and she LOVES playing with her friends. In a perfect world we would have a year off with our baby's.
I hear you with adjust to sharing your baby. It does get easier, with Reese I was much better at asking for help too from my mother in law! I had to be - Lauren calls our extra room in the basement Gma's room because I have asked her for help that much!! HAha.
Good luck Jes with the return to work! My first night back to work after having Henry was a night shift and daddy was at home with him, but I think I sent more texts than I can remember just checking in.
ReplyDeleteWe'll be thinking of you! Xo
Oh Messy Ma...you are such a wonderful and natural mama already, it isnt even funny! If I could go back to when Brooke was born, I wished I would have told myself to just relax and not worry about "doing everything right" or "should I be feeling this way" or "whats wrong with me",etc. We are actually very lucky because we have so many wonderful role models of "GREAT MOMS" in our family and we're all here for one another, anytime! So just remember that if it feels right to you, that's all that matters...because whats good for you, is good for Finney Fin Fin!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Im sure between Lauren, Reese, Brooke and Neel...Fincess will have plenty of Social skills (Besides, if she is the weird kid in class some day, its because she's Merrills daughter, not because of anything you did! HA! JUST KIDDING!!)
LOVE YA!! Ashley
I think just take it as it comes... it'll all fall into place. I think what makes it easier is if you and your husband are on the same page....much easier to deal with whatever comes your way then then if you both disagree. Be there to support one another! I'll help out when I can.....would love to be the grandma that gets to do all this but unfortunately I am not old enough to retire yet.
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